


Out of the Pan and into the Fire

by griffle



Series: Listen, I can explain [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate History, Alternate Universe, Bad swearing, College AU, Crack Treated Seriously, Humor, I don't do serious I do ridiculous, I mean, Language, Multi, Poly Relationships, Texting, it's like a crack fix via text, mentions of nudity, mentions of potential sex, more text fics are crack fics, there's a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 17:52:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14454621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/griffle/pseuds/griffle
Summary: AB: You Know What You Did?AH: OH GOD STALL HER PLEASEAB: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO____________In which Eliza ends up waking up between two men.





	Out of the Pan and into the Fire

**Author's Note:**

> __________  
> JM: James Madison  
> AB: Aaron Burr  
> GL: Lafayette  
> AH: Alexander Hamilton  
> JL: John Laurens  
> HM: Hercules Mulligan  
> ES: Eliza Schyluer  
> AS: Angelica Schyluer  
> PS: Peggy Schyluer  
> MR: Maria Reynolds  
> TB: Theodosia Bartow

 

* * *

  
ES: Angelica  
ES: Angelica  
ES: ANGELICA GET UP  
AS: WHAT  
  
ES: I need a favor  
  
AS: Why what's wrong? I thought you were with John and Alex?  
  
AS: Do I need to kill them  
  
AS: Eliza  
AS: Elizabeth Schuyler  
  
ES: So We may of drank too much last night

* * *

AH: OH GOD  
  
JL: WE DUCKED UP SO BAD  
  
AH: HERC YOU GOTTA HIDE US  
  
HM: WHY WHATS HAPPENING  
  
GL: TF IS GOING ON ?!  
  
AH: I

JL: WE

AH: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT  
  
JL: WE DRANK TOO MUCH LAST NIGHT  
  
AH: OH GOD WERE GOING TO DIE  
  
HM: WHAT HAPPENED  
  
JL: ALL THREE OF US WOKE UP NAKED  
  
GL:...  
  
HM: Three?????  
  
AH: ELIZA IS WITH US  
  
GL: LMAO YOURE GONNA DIE HOLY FUCK  
  
HM: OK ILL GET THE CAR  
  
HM: ANGELICA IS GOING TO BRUTALLY MURDER YOU  
  
JL: WAIT FUCK WE GOTTA WAIT  
HM: WHY  
GL: WHY  
AH: I MADE POP TARTS FOR ELIZA. AND I GOT A TEST JUST IN CASE  
  
GL: WHAT THE FUCK ALEX NO CONDOMS?!!!!  
  
AH: I. DONT. REMEMBER.  
  
HM: No one will find your bodies

* * *

  
ES: Alex just gave me pop tarts and said there's a pregnancy test and plan B "just in case" before running out the door in his underwear  
  
ES: John gave me coconut milk and a bottle of chilled water and this super cozy blanket and told me to take my time before running out the door with a bundle of clothes  
  
ES: I. Feel so warm???  
  
ES: I don't feel like we had sex though???? So that's lucky. I think  
  
ES: I- I think we tried but we fell asleep I'm starting to get fuzzy memories of it. Wine is crazy.  
  
ES: Overall I think I'm okay  
  
ES: Angelica?

* * *

  
AB: You gotta run  
  
AH: OH GOD  
  
AB: You Know What You Did?  
  
AH: OH GOD STALL HER PLEASE  
  
AB: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO  
  
AH: POTENTIALLY  
  
AH: MAYBE  
  
AH: ELIZA???????  
  
AB: what the fuck alex  
  
AH: oh god you're using text speak SHIT I SEE HER  
  
AH: JOHN SI WTH ME  
  
AH: WE MAY OF JUMPED OUT OF A WINDOW FOR OUR LIVES  
  
AB: She's going to murder you all  
  
AH: There's a key in my room. Goes to a PO Box- Number is on the key. In the PO Box there should be a shoebox and an envelope filled with money. Please burn the shoebox or bury it and give the money to GWash  
  
AB: I.  
  
AH: I want my funeral to have carnations  
  
AB: I will honor your requests.  
  
AH: I'll see you on the other side

* * *

  
AS: I need to borrow your collection  
  
JM: My wine collection isn't that extensive, Thomas likes exaggerating   
  
AS: No, that's not what I meant and you know it  
  
JM:...May I ask why?  
  
AS: I need to murder Alexander Hamilton  
  
AS: Never mind I talked to Florence bye  
  
JM:?

* * *

  
AH: Sir it has been a honor working with you all these years. I had only wished I had made you proud  
  
GW: I? Thank you?  
  
GW: How concerned should I be?  
  
AH: Layf and I wanted to say that we both saw Martha as a secondary mother figure and you have an amazing wife  
  
GW: I know this and the fact that you're saying this out loud concerns me. Should I contact the police?  
  
AH: The police will never find our bodies

* * *

  
AH: Update: We fucked up more  
  
AB: what did you do  
  
AH: So John and I left Eliza (after making sure she's okay and such) and jumped into a car with Herc and Laf but while we're going to the cqr angelica sees us???? And breaks out into this sprint like an Olympian qnd we race to the car and may of jumped through a window and get in and Herc starts DRIVING and we're fine and debating on how to lay low for a while when we hear motorcycles and then just CREW of Bikes comes and swarms around the car and theyre all women and theyre banging on the windows so Herc screams and somehow serves around them and were all screaming and now we're in Rhode Island  
  
AB: only you Alex  
  
AH: G2G taking up fake names  
  
AB: Please tell me you're joking  
  
AB: Alex?  
  
AB: Alex?????

* * *

  
  
AB: Theo, please tell Angelica to call them off  
  
TB: ?  
  
AB: I guess Eliza slept maybe??? With Alex and probably John and now they're being chased by Sampson's girl gang in Rhode Island because of Angelica  
  
AB: Also do you how Eliza's doing? I know she was planning on getting drunk on wine after the Corfy bash-thing.  
  
TB: I -Eliza's fine: once Angelica stormed off I went over and they'd gave her coconut milk and food and it was kind of adorable?  
  
TB: Also she didn't- I guess they drank too much and went to bed naked. I tried to call off Sampson but you know how she gets  
  
TB: Wait how do you know it's Sampson's gang?  
  
AB: Do you know of any other girl gangs?  
  
TB: Three off the top of my head  
  
AB: I.

* * *

  
  
JL: So  
  
AH: John are YOU SURE ABOUT THIS  
  
ES: Hi Alex, Hi John  
  
AH: how do yu know Angelica hasn't bugged her phone (no offense Eliza)  
  
ES: None taken- I don't think she has but still  
  
ES: But what's up with the group chat?  
  
JL: so. In the whole running for our lives, I remembered our conversation from last night  
  
AH: O H  
  
ES: o h  
  
JL: And while I'm gay I  
  
JL: I do really like you??? Just not sexually???  
  
ES: I...Alex?  
  
AH: I mean- I  
  
AH: Shit  
  
AH: John?  
  
JL: I wouldn't mind it if we tried it out.   
  
JL: We go slow. And talk. A lot. Without alcohol so we can remember  
  
ES: I wouldn't want to hurt both of you in any way. I- when we're together it's great and its free and I really like hanging out and talking to both of you and you two make me feel inclusive and I do also really like you John- also not sexually, and you all know of how I feel about Alex  
  
ES: I wouldn't mind it either. If both of you are ok! With it!  
  
JL: Alex?  
  
AH: I  
AH: I agree with both of you and to be honest  
  
AH: That would be like. All of everything together because!  
  
AH: John you're amazing and kind and you like my second but MORE and you're always there for me and always ready to pick me up or just help me with my shennigans and the way you smile melts my soul and put it back together again like you brighten my world, you know that right?  
  
AH: And Eliza- you're always the voice of reason but you're so k i n d like I'm not worthy of you and god you're so beautiful that I audibly gasped and lost my voice when I saw you in my bed with the sun casting on your sleeping body god do you know how much of a goddess you are?  
  
AH: Actually both of you are gorgeous and amazing in various ways and truly both of you leave me speechless and wanting to become a better man for you. You both feel like home. I just one day I'll become that better man. The fact that both of you are saying this proves for sure that I'm not worthy right now and I just. You both make the world a better place by breathing and all I Want is to spend my time with you.  
  
ES: I  
  
JL: I  
  
ES: I want to kiss you so h a r d rn  
  
JL: S A M E  
  
ES: A L E X  
  
JL WE L O VE YOU SO M U C H  
  
AH: I  
  
AH: So. Is this a thing?  
  
ES: Lets talk face to face and hash out the details but  
  
ES: I'm game  
  
JL: I'm game and I also agree on meeting up so we can go over logistics and such  
  
AH: I'm more than game

JL: <3  
  
ES: <3  
  
AH: <3  
  
AH: We should get Herc to turn the car around  
JL: Yeah  
  
ES: Wait where are you?  
  
JL: Vermont Or Delaware  
  
AH: Rhode Island  
  
ES: ?!!

* * *

  
ES: So I maybe got into a poly relationship with Alex and John  
  
AS: WHAT  
  
PS: WHAT  
  
MR: YOOOOOOOOOO  
  
TB: GOOD SHIT THUMBS UP  
  
AS: NO. NO THUMBS UP  
  
ES: They didn't take advantage of me  
  
AS: I WANT THEIR BONES  
  
ES: Please call off Sampson  
  
AS: NO  
  
ES: ANGELICA  
  
AS: FUCK YOU  
  
ES: F INE  
  
PS: See this is why I want to go to your school next year  
  
TB: You really don't

* * *

  
AH: Update: Sampson has been called off and I'm in a triad with Eliza and John??  
  
AB: I.  
  
AB: Congratulations. I guess  
  
AH: Thank you.  
  
AH: I'm terrifyingly happy. Is that weird?  
  
AB: No.  
  
AH: Wait how would you know?  
  
AB: Have you seen Theo??? And who she hangs out with? I nearly puked just talking to her  
  
AH: tbh, same with John and Eliza on both time meeting them.  
  
AB: It's weird when we have matching experiences  
  
AH: Yeah

* * *

  
MR: Yo, you owe me dude  
  
AH: Maria you're a fucking saint  
  
MR: welcome. But I need a favor.  
  
AH: What ever you want  
  
MR: it's about the Thing.  
  
AH: Ah.  
  
AH: Okay

* * *

  
???: You don't know me. You don't need to know me. But if you don't want the email that I sent to you going to the wrong people, you lay off Maria. The Madison family doesn't take kindly to this type of situations. This is your first and final warning. Forget that you know Maria.  


**Author's Note:**

> Plot Twist! What's going on? Who's texting who? Does the author actually know or did he just think it'll be cool? Find out...well. not next week. 
> 
> Find out soon!


End file.
